*Coma*A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked." *Bum BJ*Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!" *Kids Say ...*Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!" *The Pig*A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied," You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said," Quiet, I was talking to the duck." *Harem*Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One
day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful
women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly
the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can
touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done
today. The Bulert*A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the
evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night
off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would
enjoy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. So,
she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with
important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis
by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led
him into the master bedroom. *Porn Flick*A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a
movie. After the sessions he is paid handsomely and promised by the
director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the
public. *Jet Fuel*A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane
mechanics, are in the hangar at Logan; it's fogged in and they have
nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got
anything to drink?" *A Cure*A man with a stuttering problem tries everything
he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world
renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found
your problem. Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is
pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." So the man asks,
"What's he cure, doctor?". To which the doctor replies, "We have to cut
off 6 inches." The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his
stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he
stops stuttering. *Ber Rabbit*Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other
very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came
across a golden frog. |