"Never Lie To Girls"
There was a man resting and enjoying the view on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he
covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked,
"What do you have under the newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
The police asked him what happened. The guy says,
"I don't know. I was lying on the beach,
this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off,
and the next thing I know is I'm here."
The police went to the beach, found the girl, and
asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?"
After a pause, the girl replied,
"To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird
and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and
set its nest on fire!"
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"Keep Away"
A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door.
When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew
how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the
man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she
slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"
Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would
stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next
day the same man returned.
The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door.
When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said,
"Yes!"
The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time
you see him, and tell him to keep the hell away from my wife!"
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"Codeword For Sex"
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code"
to indicate that they wanted to have sex without
letting their children in on it.
They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter,
"Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a
letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her
mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a
letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the
typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy
said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell
daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and
announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter,
he already wrote the letter by hand."
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"Be Strong.."
A prisoner escapes from his California prison
where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.
He finds a young couple in bed.
He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair,
ties up the woman to the bed and
starts kissing her on the neck, then gets up,
and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes!
He probably spent a lot of time in prison,
and has not seen a woman in years.
I saw the way he kissed your neck.
If he wants to go all the way,
don't resist, don't complain,
just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry,
he will kill us.
Be strong, honey.
I love you" To which the wife responds,
"He was not kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he found you very sexy,
and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey. I love you too...
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