- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the behind and a "nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty
much do it.

- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

- On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

- Garbage would take itself out.

- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

- Instead of "beer belly," you'd get "beer biceps."

- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

- Two words: "Ally McNaked."